Woman yells at coworker for 'telling her what to do' when she suggested she take a lunch break: 'I want to make her look bad for being out of the shop too much'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 22, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

There should be a baseline level of respect that we give to everyone we come across. No matter who you are, your relationship, or your relative status, you should treat everyone as they deserve to be treated. This is especially true for people you have to see every day, like your family or your coworkers. Sure, they might test your patience every now and again, but if you nuke the relationship, then you're really only hurting yourself. You don't want to make it awkward, or else you'll think about it every time you interact with them. But what happens when someone else does this to you? How do you respond so you can de-escalate? 

That's the question that came up in this story, where a coworker treated their peer in a very odd way. After a meaningless quip, trying to give their coworker the opportunity to take a lunch break, they lashed out. What do you do when someone you work with has an outsize reaction to something you said off the cuff? Do you threaten to get your superiors involved, or do you try to brush it off?

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  • A man looks over the shoulder of a female coworker.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This employee chose the former option, and later wondered if that was the right choice. So they took to the internet to get some perspective on the situation, and commenters provided that in droves. Scroll on to read what they said and see what you think. 

  • Was I in the wrong for standing up for myself when I was rudely called out by a coworker?

    So for context, I started working at a small business about 3 weeks ago, so small there is only three of us and we don't have fixed lunch breaks and usually I work with this woman L.
    via u/stars_dreamsandbooks
  • Now this day I had bought my lunch in advance so I wouldn't have to walk anywhere too far that day because I had hurt my leg the week prior, about an hour into the day L said she's hungry and wants to go to the shop across the mall where we work, to get food but wanted to wait for the boss to bring the rest of the stock for the day, I said it was no problem. So The boss comes and delivers the stock and when he leaves again, I innocently ask her if she wants to go get food quickly.
    via u/stars_dreamsandbooks
  • That's when L goes off on me telling me that she doesn't answer to me and that I should stop pressuring her to do things. I try to calm her down by saying that it's what she said she wanted to do and that I was just trying to be courteous but she keeps going on and on about how 'I want to
    via u/stars_dreamsandbooks
  • make her look bad for being out of the shop too much' and by 'getting my food before we open so I don't have to leave', L kept getting angrier so I finally tell her I won't allow her to speak to my like that and if she kept going I'd tell our manager (the other person who works there).
    via u/stars_dreamsandbooks
  • So I feel like I might have been the a hole to threaten L with our manager but it was obvious that nothing else was going to calm her down. AITA?
    via u/stars_dreamsandbooks

  • Commenters tried to make sense of what happened here.

    tranquilisity • 18h ago . No, you dealt with that well. Very maturely. You deescalated. NTA
    via u/tranquilisity
  • Two coworkers speak to each other at work.
    via Annika Gordon

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Select-Smile-3287 18h ago . NTA, maybe we're missing context, but it seems a bit of an extreme reaction from her.
    via u/Select-Smile-3287
  • AshnZan 18h ago NTA. It sounds like she might be feeling threatened by the new employee and worried about her place in the company.
    via u/AshnZan
  • Ok-Strawberry-4215 17h ago . I'm guessing boss was still there when you spoke, and that L wanted to skip out after the stock came in? Let me know if I'm right because my comment is based in this assumption
    via u/Ok-Strawberry-4215
  • It looks like she was trying to shove work off onto you instead of going when you weren't busy. I'm guessing you're not the sort to pick up on that, but your boss is. From L's point of view you told her boss she's leaving her work to you and she's mad you called her out on her selfish laziness
    via u/Ok-Strawberry-4215
  • . No_Yogurt_7294 · 17h ago Some people are just angry looking to pick a fight
    via u/No_Yogurt_7294
  • West_House_2085 · 17h ago Seems a lot has been left out. What are the missing pieces, here, OP?
    via u/West_House_2085
  • • Sea_Register1095 13h ago 'I want to make her look bad for being out of the shop too much' Sounds like she has already been talked to about this!
    via u/Sea_Register1095
  • iambecomesoil · 18h ago NTA Don't get into sh with co- workers. If she has a problem, she can tell the manager. And if she gives you a problem, you can tell your manager.
    via u/iambecomesoil
  • camihan 17h ago If the situation is just as presented here, NTA. Not sure why L immediately felt like you were ordering her around and even if you said things in a weird way that doesn't give her the right to make accusations and go wild. She sounds a bit unhinged. I would try to document what you can and if she continues to act hostile, definitely go to your boss.
    via u/camihan
  • ServelanDarrow · 18h ago . A bit ESH, but her more. It doesn't sound like it's your place to prompt her to go to lunch, but her response is incredibly OTT.
    via u/ServelanDarrow
  • Zoreb1 17h ago . NTA and she's going to be a pain to work with.
    via u/Zoreb1
  • . • ... 4h ago Edited 2h ago I've been working for almost 30 years. People like this exist in offices. She'll ask you how to do something and as soon as you answer her, she will tell you to stop talking to her like she is a child. Reactionary, hyper insecure, and hysterically opposed to anything that resembles authority.
    via u/SpaceCommuter
  • I can't explain it or really help you much, except to tell you that it's her, not you. The best thing to do is limit all your interactions with her to essential work only, when she's friendly be friendly back in the moment (so she thinks you are not a threat) but
    via u/SpaceCommuter
  • understand her mood can change in seconds (like it did in this example), and resist helping her too much or answering too many of her questions. Tell her "you've got this!" and walk away quickly.
    via u/SpaceCommuter
  • Also, people like this usually fire in all directions so it's unlikely she has a lot of allies or can poison your standing with others too much. She's probably a burden on everyone. Oh, yeah, NTA.
    via u/SpaceCommuter
  • newwheels66 · 5h ago • I agree with L. You've been there 3 weeks and you're giving her "permission" to "quickly" get lunch. F off! Know your place newbie. YTA
    via u/newwheels66
  • . FoundationKey6924 · 18h ago There is VERY OBVIOUSLY key details missing here. Noone has that reaction based off what you SAY you said.......Tell us the entire ugly truth. Your claim here is intentionally misleading so without the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth YTA
    via u/FoundationKey6924

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terrible coworkers boss antiwork workplace-stories toxic-workplace job bosses work coworkers working reddit story toxic-boss workplace reddit thread bad bosses Reddit toxic-work-environment
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